Children of Dreams, An Adoption Memoir Read online

  I left the Thai ticket office and headed back. I decided to check us out of the Bleu Hotel and stay at the Everest Hotel for one night. Things were going dreadfully between us. I wanted to be in a different environment for Manisha with nothing to remind her of her father or my sickness; and to start afresh in a place that was more in keeping with a soft American girl.

  I quickly packed everything and a waiting taxi took us to the hotel. It was also close to the airport and more convenient. After checking in we had some time in the afternoon to relax by the pool. I coaxed Manisha into the water up to her legs.

  After swimming we went back up to our hotel room to get ready for a special evening. I gave Manisha a hot, bubbly bath and washed her hair. As I showered she watched a television broadcast from the States starring Barney, the purple dinosaur. She sat on the bed and clapped to the tune of, “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family…” Later that became her favorite television show. Sweet memories. I almost felt like Manisha liked Barney more than me but at least she was mine.

  We didn’t have a brown-out while she took her bath, but we did when I took my shower. Many of my experiences in Nepal had to do with bathrooms and toilets and bodily fluids. This time I was taking a shower when the power went out. I couldn’t remember how to turn the water off, how to open the shower door, or where my towel was. It was quite a new experience to be lost in a totally dark bathroom. Brown-outs were quite common and this was a “gotcha” one.

  Alisha and Ankit arrived later in the evening and I treated them to a tasty meal. Ankit mentioned that Manisha’s father had called wanting to see her one more time. I suggested he come by the hotel after 10:00 that night when she would be asleep.

  As we sat in the dining room feasting together, I reflected on my time in Nepal, how God had made everything possible even when things seemed impossible. We shared stories, reveling in God’s blessings. Manisha fell asleep in my arms and I took her up to the room to tuck her into bed. Raj, her father, stopped by and said a sweet goodbye to me in the lobby without seeing Manisha one last time.

  The next day the world changed.

  Chapter Fifteen

  …I will bring your children from the east

  Isaiah 43:5

  I was awakened by the phone ringing before daylight. It was Ankit.

  “The communists are striking today,” he said. “Nobody is supposed to travel on the roads because it’s dangerous. Everything is closed. I am not even sure we can make it to see you off.”

  It wouldn’t make any difference as far as Manisha and I getting to the airport. We were just a couple of miles away. I was glad we had checked out of the Bleu which was near the epicenter of the political turmoil. I would have been disappointed if they had not shown up, but they made it.

  After checking in our bags and sharing hugs, Manisha and I stood in line to board the plane, waving goodbye. I handed the attendant my passport, Manisha’s official travel document, and our airline tickets.

  The Thai attendant looked at my paperwork. My heart skipped a beat as I could see in his expression that something was wrong.

  “You can get on the plane, but she can’t.” He said. “She doesn’t have a Thai Visa with her documents.”

  Ankit came over to see what was wrong. We looked at each other not knowing what he was talking about. We had not been told that any Thai Visa would be needed. There must have been some mistake.

  Passengers continued to board the plane as the Thai official pulled us out from the line. He suggested we talk to somebody with more authority. Maybe a higher-up person could explain to us the problem. We were escorted to a private room to talk with a supervisor.

  “You can get on the plane,” he said. “You don’t need a Thai passport because you have an American passport, but your Nepali daughter does not have an American passport. She has to have a Thai passport to stay for more than twenty-four hours in Thailand.”

  I tried to explain to him that we had to stay two nights in Bangkok to make the travel connections work.

  “Manisha can’t stay more than twenty-four hours in Thailand,” the Thai official said again.

  Despite my protests and pleas, including being willing to sit in jail while waiting, they weren’t going to bend the rules.

  “Why don’t you go to the Thai Embassy quickly and get one,” the supervisor suggested.

  That was easier said than done. It was a long ways from the airport. Ankit wasn’t sure with the strike if we could even travel on the roads. The Maoists, who had instituted the strike, had roadblocks set up throughout Kathmandu.

  “They could throw stones at us. It’s very dangerous,” Ankit cautioned. I could tell Alisha did not want us to go. On a motorcycle we would be easy targets. I wasn’t deterred. I wanted to try.

  I gave Manisha a hug and handed her to Alisha. Ankit and I walked out of the airport and I followed him to his motorcycle feeling guilty for putting both of us in danger.

  I didn’t know which was scarier: Speeding on a motorcycle or Communists stoning us with rocks.

  I hoped we could do it quickly and get back before the plane left. On the motorcycle we were able to go around the blockades. I thanked God as we passed each one without incident. We finally arrived at the Thai Embassy but there were no cars in the parking lot. We got off the motorcycle and walked up to the closed door. On the door hung a hastily-written sign.

  Ankit translated for me. “Closed today.” There was nothing we could do to get a Thai passport for Manisha until they reopened. With the political situation it was hard to know when that would be.

  Feeling totally deflated, we went back to the airport. I tried to plead my case again with the Thai officials.

  “The Embassy is closed because of the strike and I can’t get the passport,” I pleaded. “Please let Manisha on the plane. I was sick and almost died, and I am out of money and I need to get home.” My tears of persuasion got me nowhere. They refused to listen.

  Ankit explained. “They are Thai, not Nepali. They are different. They are not going to be flexible about the rules like Nepali.”

  My flight had already left so I had to change my plane ticket. I didn’t know to what. I returned to the ticket agent to see what was available hoping to get the passport the next day. All the flights were booked until May 16. I couldn’t imagine being stuck in Kathmandu for ten days. It would be hard getting by on just a credit card. I wasn’t sure I could obtain more cash.

  “We have available first class tickets for both of you for $3,500 and you can go home in two days,” The attendant said.

  “Three thousand five hundred dollars, did you say?” I stared at him in disbelief. I didn’t have that kind of money. There was only one thing left to do. We retrieved our suitcases and went back to the Everest Hotel.

  We arrived to find Alisha and Manisha in the restaurant eating rice. I lugged our belongings back up to the room, and as I walked in the phone rang. The Thai ticket agent was on the line. He had gotten permission for us to board the flight that left on Friday—two days from now.

  “The flight is overbooked by two hundred people, but I was able to get special permission,” he said.

  I humbly thanked him. As I put the phone down, I wondered how he was able to reach me. I had not told him where I was staying.

  I sat on the bed feeling numbed by the turn of events, thanking God for his mercy. I wanted to go home. I couldn’t believe God made it happen without paying $3,500.

  Indeed, as I have written it, and as the terrified disciples spoke of Jesus when He rebuked the waves, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey Him (Mark 5:41)!”

  Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Jesus Christ throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen (Ephesians 3:20-21).

  Fourteen years later, as I hold my Zirconium and sterling silver necklace up in the bright Florida sunshine, it sparkles with the sa
me radiance as when I bought it for a few rupees in Nepal the following day. Manisha also has a necklace that was thrown in the bag with mine as a free gift. It’s her favorite necklace. I wonder if the best things in life are free.

  They are our only keepsakes from Nepal as I did no shopping for souvenirs. I realize now I needed them because they help me to remember my struggle and ultimate victory while in Nepal. They are tangible reminders of God’s faithfulness and mercy in the severest of circumstances.

  By the next day, the Maoists had abandoned their efforts to bring about a revolution and life returned to normal. Political climates change quickly in developing nations. We no longer needed a Thai passport for Manisha and spent the day shopping and basking in the sun beside the pool.

  God had restored what was lost. For the first time since my arrival, I had peace and Manisha was content. We made a visit to a local park and took pictures of the beautiful Nepali flowers.

  I handed my camera to a man standing nearby and showed him what I wanted him to do. Several other men walked over and wanted to look through the lens. I don’t think they had ever seen a camera before. I eventually got him to snap a couple of pictures of us that hopefully would turn out.

  Later I discovered all the pictures were cocked sideways since he didn’t know what he was doing. It’s funny the things that stay with us and the things we forget. I hadn’t thought about that for a long time.

  It was a skewed picture through which I had viewed God. God didn’t always give me what I wanted. He gave me what I needed. I had no idea how special the day would be. I could only see through a lens of wanting to be home, but God in His infinite wisdom saw through a heavenly lens. He wanted me to have pictures of beauty, peace, happiness, hope and enchantment, if for no other reason than to reveal God’s redemptive love. Dealing with documents, worry, fear, travel, bureaucrats, propositions, sickness, tears, blockades, and exhaustion were now a thing of the past.

  On Friday morning, Ankit came to the Everest Hotel to see us off but did not accompany us to the airport. We said our goodbyes not knowing when we would see each other again. Such a man of God with a servant’s heart, I bid him farewell on his journey to carry the Gospel to the uttermost regions of Nepal. Hopefully through Manisha’s adoption, God had inspired him with a renewed zeal to give orphaned children not only hope but a chance to know the Real Hope Giver.

  Following a six hour wait for the plane in the airport lounge, we walked out onto the tarmac to board. Manisha stared wide eyed as the baggage handlers loaded the suitcases into the belly of the plane. The roar from the engines was deafening. She clasped my pants leg for security and protection from the wind. The mountains, the cows, the rundown buildings, the tattered Nepali signs that were my first impressions of Nepal when I arrived two weeks earlier filled me with nostalgia. We were going home.

  We found our seats and settled in for the long trip. Our flight arrived in Bangkok, Thailand around midnight. We stayed overnight in a hotel inside the airport, and left early the next morning for the flight to Los Angeles. Upon arriving at the Los Angeles International Airport, my heart quickened. We were almost home.

  Because Manisha was not an American citizen, we had to go through the section of the airport designated for people emigrating from other countries. We waited in a long line and watched as families stood before the U.S. Immigration and Customs Officer and were cleared to leave. A family with two young boys was next.

  The Immigrations official called them up. He checked each of their papers and stamped them.

  “Welcome to America,” He said.

  “Thank you,” they answered. They grabbed their few belongings as in a daze and made their way to the exit. I wondered if that was all they owned, the few small suitcases they pulled behind them. I hoped America would be everything they dreamed of.

  It was now our turn. I stepped up and handed the Immigrations Agent my passport and Manisha’s travel document.

  After glancing at my papers, he stamped them and said, “Welcome to America.”

  We were home. Almost.

  We stayed overnight in the Los Angeles Marriot near the airport and arrived at the Atlanta Hartsfield International Airport the following day. We were greeted by my mother; my sister, Paige; Paula, my long time friend from childhood; her husband, and two children. Mother arrived with an armful of clothes and we shared a special moment as she admired her first grandchild.

  While I was in Nepal I had prayed that God would protect my dad from taking a turn for the worse until I arrived home. The brain tumor diagnosed the previous year had impaired him to where it would have been too hard for him to come, and it saddened me that he was unable to meet us. He would have been so proud of his new granddaughter, but where God closes a door He opens a window. His illness had been one of the things God used to give me the vision and strength to pursue my dreams. He lived long enough to meet Manisha before passing away a few months later.

  It was May 8, 1994, Mother’s Day. After visiting for a couple of hours at the airport terminal in Atlanta, we boarded the plane for the final leg of our trip. At 6:00 p.m., Sunday night, we landed in Gainesville, Florida. Manisha had fallen asleep and I carried her down the steps of the plane and walked across the tarmac to the airport entrance. As I walked in with Manisha in my arms, we were greeted by friends and my One Another Group. It was a wonderful “welcome home” party, not unlike the day when we will arrive at our “eternal home.” Jed Keesling, one of the church elders, gathered us around in the parking lot and prayed for our future. God had answered the prayers of the saints to bring Manisha home. I felt blessed to call them my friends.

  Manisha’s adoption showed me that the Kingdom of Heaven was at hand. My treasure from God, hidden in the mountains of Nepal, was not unlike the man in Matthew 13:44, who found a treasure hidden in a field, and sold all he had and bought the field. The journey of a thousand miles had only just begun. Another adoption lay in the future. There were mountains to climb and valleys to cross.

  ...yet not my will, but yours be done (Luke 22:42).

  Chapter Sixteen

  Cast your bread upon the waters…

  Ecclesiastes 11:1

  In C.S. Lewis’ book, Prince Caspian, when Lucy told Aslan “I thought you’d come roaring in and frighten all the enemies away,” Aslan told her, “…things never happen the same way twice.” That could be said of my journey.

  I knew from the beginning I wanted two children. After seeing how God worked in Manisha’s adoption, the miracles and answered prayers, I assumed the second one would go much the same way. It didn’t. When things happened the first time, I was changed by them. When I started the second adoption, I wasn’t the same person I was when I adopted Manisha.

  The world never remains the same either. Countries change adoption requirements. Some countries close adoption programs while new ones open.

  Our thoughts are way too limited to begin to comprehend what God might be doing. Isaiah 55:8 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” I had no idea how different things would be the second time around. I am glad I didn’t know.

  When Manisha was five, I began to talk with her about adopting “a little baby sister.” She was excited and couldn’t wait to have a “playmate.” I am not sure she understood it all, but it was the beginning of a long process to prepare her for a new arrival.

  I wanted to adopt again from Nepal, but Nepal only allowed families to adopt one boy and one girl. I wanted another little girl. I also wanted to use the same adoption agency. The only country the adoption agency was licensed to work with that met my criteria of a single mother with one daughter was Vietnam.

  Vietnam was expensive. I spent a lot of time counting the cost financially. Could I afford it? Did I have the energy to raise a second child? Could I give two children what they needed emotionally, physically, mentally, academically and spiritually?

  With the Lord helping me, I thought I could do all th
ose things. I didn’t want to be so fearful that my fear prevented me from taking the risk. I was stepping out in faith that God would provide.

  In the spring of 1997, I contacted the adoption agency and began the process of filling out forms. I bought a book on Vietnam published by the same company that produced the book I had bought on Nepal. I began to tell people, “I am adopting again, this time from Vietnam.”

  I was surprised that things were not the same this time around. I didn’t have the support from my family or friends. I got comments like, “Don’t you think being a single parent to one child is enough? How are you going to handle a second child?” All the comments came from well meaning Christians, but nevertheless, they were negative and discouraging.

  If Manisha had been struggling in school, I would have given all of my attention to helping her and not pursued a second adoption. Since she was three when she arrived here, she would have been considered at-risk for developmental and mental delays.

  Health problems would also have been a red flag, but Manisha had never been sick with more than just a runny nose or fever and I hadn’t missed a day of work since arriving home from Nepal.

  One weekend, my church had a women’s retreat, and though I’m not much of a retreat person, I decided to go. I wanted to be alone with God to pray earnestly about my plans for a second adoption. I left Manisha with the Murphys for the long weekend and drove with some friends to Daytona Beach, Florida.

  I sought solace and prayed fervently asking God to show me His will. One evening I took a stroll along the beach, and I said, “Lord, if I find the perfect conch shell, I will take that as a sign that you are leading me in this direction.”

  I didn’t find just one conch shell, I found many conch shells. I quit counting them after a while. They were all perfectly formed baby shells. I picked up one that was particularly beautiful and squeezed it in my hand.